Monday 29 August 2011

Highstreet etiquette - Shopping

I do not consider myself an angry person. I do not consider myself to discriminate against individuals or groups of people. But one thing that does make my blood boil and makes me feel like I want to poke someones eyeballs out with a hot needle, is large crowds in city centres or shopping centres. We've all been there: you're out shopping and you get agitated at people who just seem to go out of their way to get in yours. Or, people who just decide to suddenly stop walking in the middle of the street for no possible reason known to man. Then there is the select group of people who decide to hover at either the bottom of an escalator or in the doorway of a shop deciding whether they want to go in or not, in the process blocking the way for anyone else.
Obviously we can't rid our streets of these moronic individuals, (like I say I do not discriminate) but maybe a few simple laws of the highstreet would make the shopping experience easier for the rest of us.

1. Contemplation zones
Problem: You know the moment. You're walking down a busy highstreet and you get stuck behind someone who either doesn't know where they are going or can not make up their mind as to where to go. They decide that whilst they decide what they are doing they will suddenly stand still or turn 180 degrees making you walk in to them.

I suggest to introduce contemplation zones in all major city centres. These contemplation zones will be marked out sections in pedestrian zones where people who are lost, or simply busy planning where to go, can stand with like minded people rather than getting in other peoples way.  These zones will be signed with large arrows so people can not miss them.
2. Turning zones
Problem: As previously mentioned in contemplation zones, it concerns me when people decide to suddenly turn and walk in the opposite direction. This is not a problem in your own house or when  it's nice and quiet, but on the highstreet it's bloody annoying.

Similar to the contemplation zone, I suggest turning zones in which oval tracks can be marked out on the ground allowing people coming from either direction to enter the turning zone, walk round a short oval and then exit in the desired direction.
3. No stop zones
Problem: You will definitely have found yourself getting frustrated at someone guilty of this sin. People who stop and stand in shop doorways for a chat or deciding whether to enter or not. Or they even decide to do it at the bottom on the escalator.

No stop zones are again a simple idea and based on the same idea.  Areas marked around the outside of shops and at the bottom of escalators. Anyone seen standing still in one of these zones will be removed from said store. Repeat offenders will be fined for their sins.
These 3 simple ways of changing our highstreet etiquette are not difficult for all to understand and adhere to. Also, financially, it should be quite a cheap set-up. All that is needed is a lot of white paint and a few wooden signs. Get on board and make your shopping experience less stressful.

4 comments:

  1. You need to make sure these contemplation zones have rain cover, as the threat of rain seems to create great confusion with certain individuals. Perhaps you should also introduce certain sanction for standing in doorways I.e knee capping or eye gouging should suffice along with limiting anyone over 60 to shopping weekdays between 10 & 14 so as not to interfere with others?

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  2. Yes, limiting old people would be great, however, when I'm out during the day with Finn, they do tend to stop me and ask questions about the baby... How old is he? Is he on solids? WHY? Why do strange old people feel it is their right to know the ins (and outs) of my sons digestive tract???!!! Maybe I should keep a dirty nappy on hand to offer to elderlies who feel the need to see evidence...?

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  3. so basically turning the path into a "road" and applying a pedestrian highway code?

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  4. Yeah, that's it. Brilliant, yes?

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