I've always wanted to be funny and to make people laugh. I'm not shy in saying I like the attention. Anyone who knows me knows I like to be centre of attention and try and make people laugh. I decided I would use my blog from now as way of trying a bit comedy but I realised being funny is harder than I thought. Making people laugh in person can come naturally to some, but making text funny is a whole different ball game. It's all in the delivery of the joke and you don't have that freedom of delivery in text.
Maybe I'm not ready to be 'funny'? Maybe I should just stick to random ramblings?
Or maybe it is time to start with a vlog?
Tuesday, 27 September 2011
It's not a hard question!
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
When I was younger I did not understand this question. At school if I was asked a question, I could either answer it or the teacher would correct me, so when thrown this curve ball it causes confusion. I never knew the answer and no one ever told me.
But now, I am older and wiser and this question makes perfect sense. Come with me, if you will......
Evolution! We've all heard the theory that everything has evolved over time. That if we go back millions of years we as humans have evolved from something which lived in the seas and oceans of the world. So, if this is true, chickens have also evolved from other creatures and both us and chickens are still evolving to adapt to changing surroundings.
If the chicken has evolved from animal X then this animal has gradually changed over time arriving at todays chicken, meaning the egg laid by the given animal will also have changed over time.
So next time you are asked 'what came first, the chicken or the egg?' you can answer with confidence the following:
'Well, when you say the chicken and the egg, are you referring to the chicken as we know it today? Or the egg as we know it today? Or, are you referring to the first stage of chicken, when man began calling it a chicken? If the egg and contained chicken are both constantly evolving could it not be said that the chicken is yet to arrive? Maybe neither will come first. Maybe neither did come first. Who is to say when 'X egg' and animal x became chicken egg and chicken?'
Deflect the question back to them.
Disclaimer: all views above are my own. There are by no means any scientific evidence to the above.
When I was younger I did not understand this question. At school if I was asked a question, I could either answer it or the teacher would correct me, so when thrown this curve ball it causes confusion. I never knew the answer and no one ever told me.
But now, I am older and wiser and this question makes perfect sense. Come with me, if you will......
Evolution! We've all heard the theory that everything has evolved over time. That if we go back millions of years we as humans have evolved from something which lived in the seas and oceans of the world. So, if this is true, chickens have also evolved from other creatures and both us and chickens are still evolving to adapt to changing surroundings.
If the chicken has evolved from animal X then this animal has gradually changed over time arriving at todays chicken, meaning the egg laid by the given animal will also have changed over time.
So next time you are asked 'what came first, the chicken or the egg?' you can answer with confidence the following:
'Well, when you say the chicken and the egg, are you referring to the chicken as we know it today? Or the egg as we know it today? Or, are you referring to the first stage of chicken, when man began calling it a chicken? If the egg and contained chicken are both constantly evolving could it not be said that the chicken is yet to arrive? Maybe neither will come first. Maybe neither did come first. Who is to say when 'X egg' and animal x became chicken egg and chicken?'
Deflect the question back to them.
Disclaimer: all views above are my own. There are by no means any scientific evidence to the above.
Thursday, 22 September 2011
Just wondering.....again!
Seeing my friend Kim last night got me thinking. She had one of those keyrings which gives the meaning of your name. You know the thing, they come in all shapes and sizes, keyrings, bookmarks, mugs, fridge magnets. I just did a search on my own name to see the meaning of William. The answer - PROTECTOR!! I was just wondering though, do they ever print meanings which are negative? I'd love a keyring to say:
William
from the Latin meaning 'knobhead'
He is boring, annoying
and an all round bad man.
Wednesday, 21 September 2011
Just wondering
If I got to the cinema which arm rest is mine? Left or right? Or is it first come first served? If everyone heads in one direction one person at an end gets 2. Similar can be asked when on a plane. Also, is there a weight limit for passengers on a plane? I don't have a problem with larger people flying but I do have a problem when I have to sit next to two larger people and they put the arm rest up and spread on to my seat. We've payed the same price yet they take up a seat and a half and I squished on to just half. Maybe we should charge them double and just give them two seats...hmmmm.
Shortest blog ever!
Shortest blog ever!
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
Business Plans - Update
I have just realised that it was February when I introduced you to my four business plans:
1. AIDS is for life, AIDS is for love.
2. A town for the future
3. Museum of Time to Come (MTC)
4. Songs for Schools
I promised more detailed information. As I do not want to be a man who does not stick to his word I feel I should give a quick overview of each.
1. AIDS is for life, AIDS is for love.
I will keep this one short as I have done research and discovered that this actually exists. Basically a online dating agency aimed at people with AIDS. Already out there, which actually pleases me. I did not think of this to try and have a laugh, I think it is important we are all given opportunities to be happy.
2. A town for the future
This is more of an investment for my grandchildren and future generations. Anybody from the North East of England will be familiar with Beamish. Beamish is.....http://www.beamish.org.uk/ . My idea is to build a small town in the style of Beamish but it will be a town based in the year 2000. Instead of a period dentist I will have a NHS dentist with long queues of people trying to get in. I will have people dressed in 'period' clothing. Young children dressed as chavs to hurl abuse at people as they walk past. Instead of a mine I will have a factory so people can see what the world of work was like in the year 2000.
3. Museum of Time to Come (MTC)
Unlike my other 3 ideas, which, lets face it, will make me millions I decided to scrap this idea as I am sensible to realise it wouldn't work. So, lets move on....
4. Songs for Schools
Teachers out there will be used to using a number of website to look for resources throughout the academic year. Songs for Schools will be aimed at revision for all subjects at GCSE and A Level. The idea is simple. When you listen to the radio it is amazing how quickly you find yourself singing along to a song. Maybe one listen to a song and you can sing the chorus. A few listens and you can sing the whole song. So, when schools are revising for exams, teachers approach Songs for Schools with information they want their students to learn and we will write a song with all the information students need. Perfect? I think so.
I just need some investment. Anyone??
1. AIDS is for life, AIDS is for love.
2. A town for the future
3. Museum of Time to Come (MTC)
4. Songs for Schools
I promised more detailed information. As I do not want to be a man who does not stick to his word I feel I should give a quick overview of each.
1. AIDS is for life, AIDS is for love.
I will keep this one short as I have done research and discovered that this actually exists. Basically a online dating agency aimed at people with AIDS. Already out there, which actually pleases me. I did not think of this to try and have a laugh, I think it is important we are all given opportunities to be happy.
2. A town for the future
This is more of an investment for my grandchildren and future generations. Anybody from the North East of England will be familiar with Beamish. Beamish is.....http://www.beamish.org.uk/ . My idea is to build a small town in the style of Beamish but it will be a town based in the year 2000. Instead of a period dentist I will have a NHS dentist with long queues of people trying to get in. I will have people dressed in 'period' clothing. Young children dressed as chavs to hurl abuse at people as they walk past. Instead of a mine I will have a factory so people can see what the world of work was like in the year 2000.
3. Museum of Time to Come (MTC)
Unlike my other 3 ideas, which, lets face it, will make me millions I decided to scrap this idea as I am sensible to realise it wouldn't work. So, lets move on....
4. Songs for Schools
Teachers out there will be used to using a number of website to look for resources throughout the academic year. Songs for Schools will be aimed at revision for all subjects at GCSE and A Level. The idea is simple. When you listen to the radio it is amazing how quickly you find yourself singing along to a song. Maybe one listen to a song and you can sing the chorus. A few listens and you can sing the whole song. So, when schools are revising for exams, teachers approach Songs for Schools with information they want their students to learn and we will write a song with all the information students need. Perfect? I think so.
I just need some investment. Anyone??
Monday, 29 August 2011
Highstreet etiquette - Shopping
I do not consider myself an angry person. I do not consider myself to discriminate against individuals or groups of people. But one thing that does make my blood boil and makes me feel like I want to poke someones eyeballs out with a hot needle, is large crowds in city centres or shopping centres. We've all been there: you're out shopping and you get agitated at people who just seem to go out of their way to get in yours. Or, people who just decide to suddenly stop walking in the middle of the street for no possible reason known to man. Then there is the select group of people who decide to hover at either the bottom of an escalator or in the doorway of a shop deciding whether they want to go in or not, in the process blocking the way for anyone else.
Obviously we can't rid our streets of these moronic individuals, (like I say I do not discriminate) but maybe a few simple laws of the highstreet would make the shopping experience easier for the rest of us.
1. Contemplation zones
Problem: You know the moment. You're walking down a busy highstreet and you get stuck behind someone who either doesn't know where they are going or can not make up their mind as to where to go. They decide that whilst they decide what they are doing they will suddenly stand still or turn 180 degrees making you walk in to them.
I suggest to introduce contemplation zones in all major city centres. These contemplation zones will be marked out sections in pedestrian zones where people who are lost, or simply busy planning where to go, can stand with like minded people rather than getting in other peoples way. These zones will be signed with large arrows so people can not miss them.
2. Turning zones
Problem: As previously mentioned in contemplation zones, it concerns me when people decide to suddenly turn and walk in the opposite direction. This is not a problem in your own house or when it's nice and quiet, but on the highstreet it's bloody annoying.
Similar to the contemplation zone, I suggest turning zones in which oval tracks can be marked out on the ground allowing people coming from either direction to enter the turning zone, walk round a short oval and then exit in the desired direction.
3. No stop zones
Problem: You will definitely have found yourself getting frustrated at someone guilty of this sin. People who stop and stand in shop doorways for a chat or deciding whether to enter or not. Or they even decide to do it at the bottom on the escalator.
No stop zones are again a simple idea and based on the same idea. Areas marked around the outside of shops and at the bottom of escalators. Anyone seen standing still in one of these zones will be removed from said store. Repeat offenders will be fined for their sins.
These 3 simple ways of changing our highstreet etiquette are not difficult for all to understand and adhere to. Also, financially, it should be quite a cheap set-up. All that is needed is a lot of white paint and a few wooden signs. Get on board and make your shopping experience less stressful.
Obviously we can't rid our streets of these moronic individuals, (like I say I do not discriminate) but maybe a few simple laws of the highstreet would make the shopping experience easier for the rest of us.
1. Contemplation zones
Problem: You know the moment. You're walking down a busy highstreet and you get stuck behind someone who either doesn't know where they are going or can not make up their mind as to where to go. They decide that whilst they decide what they are doing they will suddenly stand still or turn 180 degrees making you walk in to them.
I suggest to introduce contemplation zones in all major city centres. These contemplation zones will be marked out sections in pedestrian zones where people who are lost, or simply busy planning where to go, can stand with like minded people rather than getting in other peoples way. These zones will be signed with large arrows so people can not miss them.
2. Turning zones
Problem: As previously mentioned in contemplation zones, it concerns me when people decide to suddenly turn and walk in the opposite direction. This is not a problem in your own house or when it's nice and quiet, but on the highstreet it's bloody annoying.
Similar to the contemplation zone, I suggest turning zones in which oval tracks can be marked out on the ground allowing people coming from either direction to enter the turning zone, walk round a short oval and then exit in the desired direction.
3. No stop zones
Problem: You will definitely have found yourself getting frustrated at someone guilty of this sin. People who stop and stand in shop doorways for a chat or deciding whether to enter or not. Or they even decide to do it at the bottom on the escalator.
No stop zones are again a simple idea and based on the same idea. Areas marked around the outside of shops and at the bottom of escalators. Anyone seen standing still in one of these zones will be removed from said store. Repeat offenders will be fined for their sins.
These 3 simple ways of changing our highstreet etiquette are not difficult for all to understand and adhere to. Also, financially, it should be quite a cheap set-up. All that is needed is a lot of white paint and a few wooden signs. Get on board and make your shopping experience less stressful.
Monday, 25 July 2011
Educators and Parents of the World - Unite!!
'In the UK we spend too much time watching TV.' This statement got me thinking. In general, people do watch a lot of TV and maybe TV is trying to be more educational. Is it possible TV is aiming at educational people in the UK.
If we think of our 'compulsary' subjects of Maths, English and Science can Tv help to cover these subjects.
English
What can I say about English.....Countdown! The first ever program on channel 4 designed to teach spelling and mental maths.
Another two programmes helping with our English education are Jeremy Kyle and Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. Sometimes seeing something being done wrong helps us see our own mistakes. If young people are learning about spoken English where better to see 'how not to do it' than on these two?
Science
Again we look towards Jezza Kyle. He teaches us, at least once a week that if you don't want a baby then use protection. There's Biology covered!
There are hundreds of things on TV teaching us about how the planet works, how the world was created etc. And its more exciting than a text book.
Big Bang Theory - need I say more!
Maths
Do you remember when we had 4 TV channels? BBC1, BBC2, ITV and Channel 4. That in itself is not very educational however look at the number of channels we have now. Every day I seem to see an advert advertising a new TV channel. Again, I hear you asking how can having a lot of TV channels be educational? It can't! But look at the names of the channels......
Watching television on a Saturday evening I saw an advert telling me all about a new channel...ITV1+1. I remember when it was called ITV2. Now they are aiming simple maths and young children, making them do the maths before knowing what channel they are watching.
For more advanced mathematics we can look to E4 and E4+1. If thats not algebra I don't know what is. I've heard a rumour there is soon to be a E4+1=21(find E) channel.
I think that if you look you will find a TV channel or show that covers any subject within the National Curriculum. This article has been a short introduction to TV as an educator. I will leave you to discover your own educational TV.
Conclusion
Teachers - Buy a large TV for your classroom wall - spend your time recording all programmes linked to your subject
Parents - Buy a large TV. When your child comes home from school with homework, rather than pretending you can help put then in front of the TV.
Educators and Parents of the World - Unite!! - Let's give children a perfect start.
NB. The views expressed above are not my own and have been created for entertainment purposes
If we think of our 'compulsary' subjects of Maths, English and Science can Tv help to cover these subjects.
English
What can I say about English.....Countdown! The first ever program on channel 4 designed to teach spelling and mental maths.
Another two programmes helping with our English education are Jeremy Kyle and Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. Sometimes seeing something being done wrong helps us see our own mistakes. If young people are learning about spoken English where better to see 'how not to do it' than on these two?
Science
Again we look towards Jezza Kyle. He teaches us, at least once a week that if you don't want a baby then use protection. There's Biology covered!
There are hundreds of things on TV teaching us about how the planet works, how the world was created etc. And its more exciting than a text book.
Big Bang Theory - need I say more!
Maths
Do you remember when we had 4 TV channels? BBC1, BBC2, ITV and Channel 4. That in itself is not very educational however look at the number of channels we have now. Every day I seem to see an advert advertising a new TV channel. Again, I hear you asking how can having a lot of TV channels be educational? It can't! But look at the names of the channels......
Watching television on a Saturday evening I saw an advert telling me all about a new channel...ITV1+1. I remember when it was called ITV2. Now they are aiming simple maths and young children, making them do the maths before knowing what channel they are watching.
For more advanced mathematics we can look to E4 and E4+1. If thats not algebra I don't know what is. I've heard a rumour there is soon to be a E4+1=21(find E) channel.
I think that if you look you will find a TV channel or show that covers any subject within the National Curriculum. This article has been a short introduction to TV as an educator. I will leave you to discover your own educational TV.
Conclusion
Teachers - Buy a large TV for your classroom wall - spend your time recording all programmes linked to your subject
Parents - Buy a large TV. When your child comes home from school with homework, rather than pretending you can help put then in front of the TV.
Educators and Parents of the World - Unite!! - Let's give children a perfect start.
NB. The views expressed above are not my own and have been created for entertainment purposes
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