Breaking News - New evidence shocks Nursery rhyme world!

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again

These words seen over 100 years ago have led to a long debate regarding to circumstances of Mr. Dumpty's fall.  A debate has been going since the script was first found with some claiming Mr. Dumpty was pushed with others stating they believed it was an accidental fall.  With no real evidence ever coming to light the case was dismissed and a conclusion of a fall was given.

However, in recent days new evidence was found in Mr. Dumpty's hometown which had led to the case being reopened.  A note was found under floorboards of Mr. Dumpty's barn where he was living at the time.  It is thought the note was written by Humpty Dumpty himself.

The note read:

Life has become hard for me. My parents want nothing to do with me.  They say there is no place for a egg with eyes and arms and legs. An egg that doesn't hatch to become a chicken. An egg that talks English and not chicken. An egg that can write.  I feel worthless.

Following discovering of this note police have reopened the case and are looking at a possibility of suicide.  This news will be welcomed by descendants of Mr. Dumpty who will see this as closure.

Pictured: Mr. Dumpty's parents

My Top Ten Favourite Countries - Part of the 1000 club.

Ever since noticing that I can check my 'stats' on my blog it has become an addiction.  Every time I post I look to see how many views I've had. I love that it tells me what countries it is being viewed in. After my first two posts I decided my aim was to get viewed in 10 different countries and have 1000 views.  Both of these have now happened. My blog has (apparently) been viewed in these 10 countries (as of 02/01/2001):

United Kingdom
United States
France
Ecuador
Croatia
Ireland
Singapore
Austria
India
Ukraine

I do not know if this is true. Living in the UK, I know friends reading it here, but I really have no idea how people in these other countries are reading my blog. If it is true....who are you? And how did you find me?

I want 15

As of 08/05/2011 I now have 1000 views. (Again, apparently)

I do not know if now is the time to give up and leave blogging to the pros.

My Business Plans

I need a new career. A sentence I say to myself every day. Not because I particularly dislike my job, I just think there must be something out there where I can earn more money, have more free time and have less stress.  I think my best bet is to set up my own business and then sit back and employ others whilst I just sit on the money.

Below are my ideas for businesses which I think can and will work.  I will publish a more detailed plan for each of my businesses over the coming weeks so all you entrepreneur can invest in Will Power of Will

1. AIDS is for life, AIDS is for love.

2. A town for the future

3. Museum of Time to Come (MTC)

4. Songs for Schools

I refuse to look on the internet as I would be very disappointed to find that these businesses already exist. If they do please do not ruin my dreams. However, if anyone would like to invest in any business as I post the business plans please do not hesitate to get in touch.

I leave you all excited by the prospect of receiving details of these incredible business ideas. Stay tuned!

My Little Annoyances

For the first time ever, I am going for the classic rant. I feel very tired lately and am finding a lot of things annoying me. Little things that really annoy me but really shouldn't. Here are but a few.

1. What is the point in buttons for fastening duvet covers?
When I want to wash my bedding I don't want to spend minutes un-buttoning all the buttons. I want to rip press studs open. In fact, what is the point in buttons at all?

2. People who work in mobile phone shops and know nothing about phones or computer shops and know nothing about computers.
If there is ever anything wrong with your phone or your line rental or your bill you have to send it off, they can't do anything in store. So basically, they are only there to put phones in carrier bags and punch numbers in tills. I'll tell you what, I'll train a fucking monkey to do that. As for high street computer stores: 'yes sir this computer has a trial version of office 2010, you just put this product key in to upgrade it to full version. you get it for mega cheap' Yes it was mega cheap, because when I got it home did the computer balls have office 2010. Knobs

3. Loud clocks
Seriously? What is the point? Why do I need to hear a clock when I'm trying to sleep or just sit quietly? I do not need to hear the seconds pass by. It's pointless. If I want to hear seconds pass aloud I will buy a metronome.

4. People who help to 'carry' something for you
Ever been carrying a large heavy object such as a TV, sofa or fridge and you have the useless friend hanging round?  They watch you struggle for a while and then decide to 'help' but just stand in the total wrong position and take no weight. And then to make it worse they give advice about carrying it. Seriously, I like you but just go away and come back once I've shifted this. Thanks.

5. Panic shoppers at Christmas
At Christmas most supermarkets are shut for maybe 2 days, so why do people insist on shopping and buying 3 times the amount they would usually buy.  Surely you only go to the supermarket once a week, so just go a couple of days before Christmas then between Christmas and New Year and this should be fine. We all need bread, so don't buy 7 loaves and empty the shelves.

6. Panic buyers in the sales.
I was horrified watching the news on boxing day this year to see the screaming customers heading out to the January sales. People going shopping at 5am, queueing outside, and then fighting over last items on shelves. So that £20 top you like is now £12. Yeah, thats worth getting up at 4am and fighting for.

7. The news and the media
We livein a world where people panic and react so negatively when the weather changes. It snows and the whole of the UK lock themselves away and hide in their houses. People stock up on food in case they can never leave the house again? I really feel like the media cause this hysteria. A 30 minute news programme is 25 minutes worth of snow related news: 'only travel in necessary', 'schools close for fourth day', 'make sure you wrap up warm, OR YOU MAY DIE!' It's a couple inches of snow, get a grip.

8. Lazy, fat people.
I hate fat people, who say they want to lose weight and then you see them at the McDonalds drive-through and then driving to their local shop which is only a 10 minute walk. They then complain that they are fat. Just think about it. Little steps guys...little steps.

9. People who use their debit/credit card to buy something that costs a couple of pounds.
This is particularly annoying when they are queueing in fornt of me. Why don't you just carry like £30 in your wallet for such purchases. It will save time and you never know when you may need cash.

10. Facebook 'places'
Who cares where you are all of the time. I don't care if you are in bed. Stop playing on facebook whilst in bed. And stop advertising that you are out and about with whoever you live with. You may as well have a t-shirt that says 'My address is ........... my house is empty. Please rob me'

11. Text messages
Don't text me for the first time in months if when I reply you don't. It a waste of one my free messages.

12.  Comedians who aren't funny.
Some comedians seem to be on every comedy program on TV and yet they only have maybe 10 jokes. They seem to link any topic to one of these jokes. They have a limited shelf life for sure.

13.  Commentators who don't speak.
Tim Henman at Wimbledon. Don't put him in the commentary box. He only speaks if he is asked a question. I could do that. However he would still kick Andy Murray's ass.

14. Mark Lawrenson - Knob

15. Football fans.
More specifically delusional football fans. Its great you support your team, but don't get carried away.

And breathe....this list could continue. But I now have a new annoyance.....16. Typing

The pain of blogging!

I am not ashamed to say it, I'm an attention seeker and if I'm totally honest part of the reason for starting a blog was my love of attention and being centre of attention. The initial excitement of seeing my page had been viewed was amazing. Then seeing my page had been viewed outside of the UK was the best. Seeing my page views get to 600 just made me want to get to 1000.

But then came my main problem.....I HAVE NO MATERIAL!

Some people have stopped me in the street (well a couple of close friends) and said 'when are you writing a new blog?' I would love to write a new blog every week however I am not intelligent enough, or funny enough, or watch the news enough to know what would interest you all (or the few of you I know exist)

I want to be like the Mozart of blogging. I want to knock out a blog on demand. I want to make people want read, I want people to laugh, I WANT ATTENTION!!!

Maybe I will hang up my blogging shoes (I am sure my 8 followers will be detraught by this news).

But on a serious note, please give me suggestions of things to write about.

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/Will-Power-of-Will/157733867605920

Newcastle United Application

Following the sacking of Chris Hughton, I thought it a good idea to put myself forward for the position of manager.  It is the second time I have decided to apply for the biggest job in football, the first time I got no reply and unfortunately after sending this second e-mail still no luck. Apparently Alan Pardew is a better man for the job.

Dear Mr Ashley

RE: Post of manager of Newcastle United Football Club

Following the untimely departure of Chris Hughton, I thought it only fair that again I put myself forward for the position of manager at Newcastle United.  You may think that my experience to date is somewhat limited and therefore not suitable for the post. However, I do feel my attributes make me the right man for the job.

As a die hard Newcastle fan, I have been a regular attendee at Newcastle matches since 1995, having a season ticket in the East Stand Paddock for approximately 12 years.  In that time I have seen players and managers come and fail at the club. I have seen us relegated, I have seen us promoted and I have stayed true to my club. I have called substitutions that should be made before being made which have a huge impact on the game. On numerous occasions I have correctly predicted the score of matches. I am realistic. I am not deluded. As a fan I understand the football the fans want to watch. I am hard working. I am punctual. I have to have this job.

I don't want to be a man who uses his history of Football Manager and FIFA to try and get a job, but needless to say, I'm quite good at both (Rotherham from League 2 to Premiership. Cool, no?)

I feel the biggest selling point for me is based around the money I could save the club. Below is my proposed payments I will need to consider a post at the club.

Annual Pay: £30000
Bonus for avoiding relegation: £5000
Cup Win: £3500

You will agree compared to other premiership managers I will save the club a lot of money, then being able to put that money in to transfers and new contracts.  To save more money I will consider bringing my own coaches who I am sure will also work for a reasonable pay packet.  These coaches are Dave Massey, Gary Rose and Wil McCollum. If you require any information about these brilliant men, please feel free to get in touch.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Will Harrison


Oh well, no job. Better luck next time.  Good luck Mr. Alan Pardew.

Facebook statistics

With Facebook now having over 500 million users it is fascinating to see that all 500 million users can be categorised in to only 6 groups.  You can put any facebook user in to one (or maybe more) of these categories by reading their facebook statuses.


User type 1: The lover
This user has limited statuses on repeat.


"I love my man so much"
"I'm the luckiest girl in the world"
"I don't know what I would do without my perfect fella"


I think your man would love you more if you spent your time with him rather than telling the world over and over again how much you love him.  Your relationship status tells me you're in a relationship. I will always assume you are in love until that changes.


User type 2: The hater
I don't have a lot to say about these people.  Please don't use facebook as a forum for racism, homophobia and general hate towards others, use a blog :-)


User type 3: LOOK AT ME!!!!
This type of person is a true attention seeker and can be summed up in one status: "John Smith has had the worst day of his life"  This status in itself is not a bad status, it is what follows the posting of this status that bothers me.


Example:


John Smith has had the worst day of his life :-(
Peter Brown: Whats up mate?
John Smith: I don't want to talk about it on here. I'll inbox you.


Are you kidding me John Smith.  You have over 1000 friends (most of whom I gather you do not know) and you post a status like this and not expect someone to respond.  By posting this status you excite user type 6 and then crush them by not revealing the story.  If you want to just tell people in private just send the message or ring them, don't fill my news feed with your crap.


User type 4: The wanna be famous
These people believe they are destined for something bigger.  Facebook to them is a stepping stone to something else.  They use facebook as a mean to share jokes, advertise their music and to sometimes upload photos which will hopefully land them a modelling contract. 


A larger number of friends is generally a given with this user type.


User type 5: The wanna get laid.
yep.....lot of friends of opposite sex.......lot of semi naked/suggestive photos....yep


User type 6: The 'normal' facebook user - a.k.a the nosey user
These users are the hardest to spot.  These users will have some of the most normal statuses.  They will have statuses about funny moments in the day, views on talent shows and comment on general day to day life, weather and current affairs.  However, below this seemingly mundane user lies a dark dark secret.  Their life as a social network user starts out innocently enough but then the obsession grows.  They have hundreds and hundreds of friends. Some of these are people who they went to school with and never spoke to, or friends of friends who they met once on a drunken night out.


These users are unable to delete 'friends' as they are too nosey.  They are not worried about being any of the other user types, however they love to know what is going on in the facebook world.  They will have facebook on their mobile phones and will log on at any available opportunity to read through hundreds of facebook statuses.


'When your own life is dull, use facebook to stalk others'


Oh and they sometimes use it to be a pervert.


Can you place yourself or people you know in to any of these categories? Yes, I am guilty of at least one of these.